The last two weeks have been very heavy weeks for me. Relational and spiritual issues in my life have led me into long periods of thought and prayer, as well as a general atmosphere of heaviness. Times like this are not always bad; in fact I am generally led to learn and focus much more intensely during times like this than otherwise. Nonetheless, it has been heavy.
In the course of less than two weeks I have come to the point where I am once again uncertain as to where my life will go once I return from Thailand. Last summer I was called two weeks before Ridge Haven camp started and brought onto the staff. I went knowing that once I returned I had no idea what I would do for work, housing, or even a general purpose. I was thrown into the arms of Christ as the Provider, needing to trust His goodness; and even more so since I had no plan. It looks like I'm in that position again. Perhaps within the next few days God will provide clarity, maybe within the next month; but I have no guarantee that I will know the direction of my steps following Thailand.
On top of this temptation to fear the uncertainty of the future is the growing temptation to fear the actual time of living in Thailand. In the book I've begun reading, The Art of Crossing Cultures, I see just how different this place could be. Quotes from the first chapter:
"If you're not used to it, the heat and humidity of the tropics can be debilitating, even demoralizing."
"Wherever you live overseas, the list of things 'they don't have here' sometimes seems to have been designed with you personally in mind."
"The loss of routines hits you at your core. You expect to have to learn how to do new things overseas...but you may be surprised to discover that you have to learn to do things you normally do without thinking."
"There's nothing bad about (interacting...with people you don't know very well)...but it takes much more energy and effort than interacting with people you already know and who know you."
And the issues continue...but this is before the book even discusses interactions with the local people and their differences in culture.
Yet, the beautiful part of this time is that I believe it throws me again into the arms of Christ - the one safe place that I try to leave time and time again. I in no way need to know what will happen to me after I spend time in Thailand, nor what will happen while I'm there - not even what will come about tomorrow. What's even more true is that I can't know what will happen! I can learn the culture, but I cannot create any rightness or peace during this ministry. God is truly putting me into a place where I have to actually believe what I wrote about prayer in the last post: that it is where we come to God in complete recognition of our need. This time of heaviness and deep uncertainty has led to God lovingly forcing me to see my need for Christ.
Uncertainty may abound right now, but God is also making faith and peace to abound as well.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Prayer in the Kingdom
Before this weekend I was not inclined to think of prayer as more than a very good thing for Christians to partake in. I have seen it as important to our relationship with our God, and for the refreshment of our souls, and even to make us more aware of the needs around us (as we intercede for others). But, over the course of this weekend I became aware of the reality that prayer is generally the conduit whereby God chooses to pour out His power upon this broken world.
I spent the weekend of February 13-15 at Ridge Haven Conference center in Brevard, NC at YoWAW (Youth World Awareness Weekend). Ryan Fisk and David McNeely brought forth a biblical understanding of missions to the group of youth, youth leaders, and Ridge Haven workers. During David's first talk, he pointed us to the truth that the power of God is the beginning and strength of missions. The Holy Spirit's work is what brings about the end of missions - which is the Redemption of all things.
In Mark 9, Jesus sends a demon out of a boy in danger of death because of this demon's possession of him. The disciples were dismayed because they were incapable of sending this demon out. Jesus assures them by telling them that "This kind can come out only by prayer." Yet, you look through the story and wonder where the prayer was. David's suggestion was that the man's cry of "I believe, help my unbelief" was the prayer. This man was honest with his faith and came to Christ for every part of the work that he was desperate to see happen. He trusted Christ, and the parts of himself that he knew he didn't trust the Lord in he threw at Jesus' feet in hopes that in them he would come to believe.
When I later went to a seminar on prayer in missions, I began to acknowledge the nail of prayer that the Lord was hammering into my heart. Prayer comes in two forms: a trough and an artesian well. In a trough, the water arrives only when we pour it there. We do the work, we provide the essentials, and the trough lies stagnant. We cannot bring about life-giving power by seeing our theologically correct prayers and routined sayings as the sources of that power. No matter how long we pray, with the view that it is our right standing before God that brings about His work, we fail. In an artesian well, however, the water flows freely. We can do nothing more than fall onto our knees before the spring and drink. The water is alive and given without acknowledgment to our work. Prayer is not a place for me to come to God with my list and talk about each, then hope that He'll deal with them. Prayer is the opportunity to fall, to confess my unbelief and to then trust completely on God's good hand to deliver.
I need men and women to pray. I cannot and will not see the kingdom pressed forth without the church of God interceding. Yet I do not want false prayers. I suppose they'll detriment those praying, but regardless they take no part in the kingdom. The kingdom is coming only with those believers who receive an aching for the redemption of the lost Thai people, and then confess their unbelief that God will truly do anything - but go forward hoping that He will anyway. I might believe now more than ever that hardened prostitutes, materialistic college students, and lost beggars on the street will entrust their souls to Jesus Christ when we yearn before God for their wholeness and then ask for it. Maybe the blind will even see. Regardless, I plead with my brothers and sisters to go with me to these lost people by trusting the Father in prayer.
I spent the weekend of February 13-15 at Ridge Haven Conference center in Brevard, NC at YoWAW (Youth World Awareness Weekend). Ryan Fisk and David McNeely brought forth a biblical understanding of missions to the group of youth, youth leaders, and Ridge Haven workers. During David's first talk, he pointed us to the truth that the power of God is the beginning and strength of missions. The Holy Spirit's work is what brings about the end of missions - which is the Redemption of all things.
In Mark 9, Jesus sends a demon out of a boy in danger of death because of this demon's possession of him. The disciples were dismayed because they were incapable of sending this demon out. Jesus assures them by telling them that "This kind can come out only by prayer." Yet, you look through the story and wonder where the prayer was. David's suggestion was that the man's cry of "I believe, help my unbelief" was the prayer. This man was honest with his faith and came to Christ for every part of the work that he was desperate to see happen. He trusted Christ, and the parts of himself that he knew he didn't trust the Lord in he threw at Jesus' feet in hopes that in them he would come to believe.
When I later went to a seminar on prayer in missions, I began to acknowledge the nail of prayer that the Lord was hammering into my heart. Prayer comes in two forms: a trough and an artesian well. In a trough, the water arrives only when we pour it there. We do the work, we provide the essentials, and the trough lies stagnant. We cannot bring about life-giving power by seeing our theologically correct prayers and routined sayings as the sources of that power. No matter how long we pray, with the view that it is our right standing before God that brings about His work, we fail. In an artesian well, however, the water flows freely. We can do nothing more than fall onto our knees before the spring and drink. The water is alive and given without acknowledgment to our work. Prayer is not a place for me to come to God with my list and talk about each, then hope that He'll deal with them. Prayer is the opportunity to fall, to confess my unbelief and to then trust completely on God's good hand to deliver.
I need men and women to pray. I cannot and will not see the kingdom pressed forth without the church of God interceding. Yet I do not want false prayers. I suppose they'll detriment those praying, but regardless they take no part in the kingdom. The kingdom is coming only with those believers who receive an aching for the redemption of the lost Thai people, and then confess their unbelief that God will truly do anything - but go forward hoping that He will anyway. I might believe now more than ever that hardened prostitutes, materialistic college students, and lost beggars on the street will entrust their souls to Jesus Christ when we yearn before God for their wholeness and then ask for it. Maybe the blind will even see. Regardless, I plead with my brothers and sisters to go with me to these lost people by trusting the Father in prayer.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Heart Awakened
Already I am amazed at the Lord's presence in my heart and life as I prepare for this ministry He has called me to in Thailand. Some 7 months ago God began placing in my heart a desire to spend an amount of my time overseas, taking part in the establishment of His kingdom, and developing an understanding of what life in cross-cultural ministry involves. A month or so later that desire formed into my relationship with Mission to the World, and I was accepted to serve as an intern with them. No more than a month after that, the Lord settled in my heart and the hearts of the team in Thailand for me to serve the Thai people alongside of those in the New City Fellowship Church in Bangkok.
Now, I am sitting in a high school classroom, substitute teaching, two months away from flying out of Norfolk, Virginia, eagerly anticipating that time when I'll be able to go just as I have been called to. The amazement I feel comes from the reality of the heart I am already developing for the Thai people, for the ministry of New City Fellowship, and simply for the pushing forth of Christ's kingdom. As I had the opportunity to study the Buddhism particular to Thailand at the end of last year, I began to understand the need of the Thai people to possess the hope and solidity of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their false gods, their sexual distortions, their hopeless religion - I've begun to realize their reality much more definitely. How could a city with an estimated 1 million or more prostitutes possibly be characterized as a place with the fullness of Christ? And with less than 1% of the population proclaiming the biblical Jesus, how can anyone doubt that these people need messengers of the cross to go to them?
Toward the end of last week I began thinking more about the time I was going to be spending in this lost nation. I realized how near it is, and I felt an overwhelming desire to be poured out for the sake of the kingdom amongst these people. In his letter to Philippi, Paul writes that "even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you." (Philippians 2:17) A similar spirit has been laid upon me. Relatively speaking, I am going to serve with the church in Thailand for a very short time. Three months is not too long to pour myself out (as far as I know how) for the faith of the Thai people. When I return to the states, I can rest as much as I need. But for that time, I desire to give myself as fully as I know how to those people and that church.
I cannot determine how the Lord will direct my heart up until mid-April, when I leave for Thailand. However, I am full of anticipation over seeing His work continue in my own life, in the lives of those in New City Fellowship Church, and in the lives of the lost people of Thailand. May we see God's glory in that work.
Now, I am sitting in a high school classroom, substitute teaching, two months away from flying out of Norfolk, Virginia, eagerly anticipating that time when I'll be able to go just as I have been called to. The amazement I feel comes from the reality of the heart I am already developing for the Thai people, for the ministry of New City Fellowship, and simply for the pushing forth of Christ's kingdom. As I had the opportunity to study the Buddhism particular to Thailand at the end of last year, I began to understand the need of the Thai people to possess the hope and solidity of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their false gods, their sexual distortions, their hopeless religion - I've begun to realize their reality much more definitely. How could a city with an estimated 1 million or more prostitutes possibly be characterized as a place with the fullness of Christ? And with less than 1% of the population proclaiming the biblical Jesus, how can anyone doubt that these people need messengers of the cross to go to them?
Toward the end of last week I began thinking more about the time I was going to be spending in this lost nation. I realized how near it is, and I felt an overwhelming desire to be poured out for the sake of the kingdom amongst these people. In his letter to Philippi, Paul writes that "even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you." (Philippians 2:17) A similar spirit has been laid upon me. Relatively speaking, I am going to serve with the church in Thailand for a very short time. Three months is not too long to pour myself out (as far as I know how) for the faith of the Thai people. When I return to the states, I can rest as much as I need. But for that time, I desire to give myself as fully as I know how to those people and that church.
I cannot determine how the Lord will direct my heart up until mid-April, when I leave for Thailand. However, I am full of anticipation over seeing His work continue in my own life, in the lives of those in New City Fellowship Church, and in the lives of the lost people of Thailand. May we see God's glory in that work.
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