I am now sitting in my parents' home, with my feet in a chair, having just eaten New York style pizza, and with no rice in sight. In some sense, this journey has ended. But in some very real sense - and perhaps in a more real sense - a journey has begun.
First, a quick recap of what happened since the last blog post - regardless of the fact that most of the people who will read this have already heard (or were there experiencing it with me). We had two more introduction to Christianity courses. Go taught on Christ's work in redemption, and showed a powerful clip from The Passion of the Christ that many of the unbelieving Thais found hard to even imagine, let alone watch. But the reality of Christ's work became more real to them. The last Thursday that we were there, I taught on the Consummation of the world - the end of all things. We talked about hope, and about the final judgment. Beautifully, it was one of the first times that I've seen the Thais speak somewhat confrontationally, and intentionally disagree with us and with one another. What is so great about that is that it proved these people were thinking, and being forced to consider the alternative to their belief system. Some of them found it hard to believe that there really was a judgment coming, and that God would judge all of humanity. Some were encouraged to know that there was hope beyond this world. And I think that almost everyone there was challenged to consider where their hearts were. Perhaps the greatest part, though, was seeing the Thai Christians stand up and offer explanations for the hope that they have. Man it was great!
Our last weekend involved a trip to Khao Yai - the first national park in Thailand. We took some 45 people or so to the mountains for a retreat, and saw some great relationships started. It was at this point that I think all of the American interns began to see how the Thai Christians at New Ciy Fellowship were taking over the relationships that we were leaving. We heard later from Dave, the team leader, that the Thais told him they have a tangible plan, and real hope, for continuing relationships with these friends that we've come to know and love. In fact, two of the nonchristian girls we came to know have been at sunday morning worship both sundays that we've been gone. It is clear that God was using our feeble service to draw people to Himself.
I now have the opportunity to look back over the last three and a half months to see from a new vantage point what God was doing. I still can't see all of it, but by viewing it as a whole, I'm coming to understand how His Spirit has been intricately weaving a pattern of truth into me. The greatest thing that I step away from Thailand with is having the nations as part of my being. Before leaving for Thailand, I had a heart for missions. But by most accounts, I didn't understand what that meant. I can't quite find the right analogy, but it's almost the difference between looking at a pair of glasses and looking through the glasses; between considering a glass of water and drinking it.
By the end of my time there, I had come to see that beyond all of the loneliness, the pain, the frustrations, the inconsistencies, the failures, there is a real work happening among the nations. Within 5-10 years there will probably be at least 5 church plants with Mission to the World in Thailand. This isn't even including the growth of the faith in so many other ministries in that country and across Asia (not to mention the rest of the world). The hill tribes of the north are receiving the gospel like nobody's business, and I got to see firsthand the life-changing reality of their faith.
But let me put a story to the truths that I saw. When I traveled to the mountains of the north, I fell in love with the Karen people. They are a hill tribe of nearly a million people, who live in tiny villages, largely isolated from the rest of the nation. We drove six hours on treacherous roads with Boonchu - who I like to refer to as the "Archbishop of the Karen people" - to get to his family's village. Sunday night we drove another hour or so, then walked 15 minutes to get to a poor village deep in the jungle. The people I saw there changed my life. As we entered the pastor's house, some 15 local men ended up coming to join us, just to see and meet these foreigners who were coming to preach the Word of God to them. As Phil, Boonchu, and I walked through the town, we were told that an older man by the name of Joe wanted us to come pray for him. Joe had served as a pastor in a village for some 30 years or so before he got sick. He told us of how he's had terrible health for a while now - Boonchu thinks it might be diabetes - and hasn't really been able to leave his house. But by the time we came to the church that night to preach, he had left his home and hobbled right up to the front row to hear the Word of God. It's so rare that they get to hear the truth from someone even as minutely qualified as myself, that they leap at such an opportunity. After the service, Joe came to me and Phil and told us that he was feeling "sabai sabai" - that he was feeling well. Having prayed for him, Joe felt that the Lord had granted him enough strength to come listen to the preaching that night. And that was more important than anything else to him.
Joe, along with the other hundreds of hungry, poor Karen people, showed me the hunger of a people who do not have the rich depths of God's Word, but only because no one has gone to bring it to them. There are still some 30 Karen villages with no gospel presence. And the pastors in the existing villages are undereducated and under-discipled for the work they have. Oh, there is still service to be given around the world.
This time of praying for me specifically is now over, but please consider praying for one or all of the following needs on a regular, maybe weekly basis:
-The Thai Christians of New City Fellowship. Pat, Go, Yu, Ying, Kieow, Pawn, Chai, and Charin are all on staff at New City Fellowship. They have the task of following up after us (especially Yu, Go and Pat), and of continuing to bring the gospel to their own very lost people.
-The Karen people. 30 of the 200+ villages have no gospel presence. Evangelists in every church are being given the task of reaching out to the lost in their own villages as well as the unbelievers who haven't even heard in the other villages. Their pastors need training, and Boonchu needs rest (since he's trying to encourage and train all of the Christians in these 200+ villages).
-The missionaries. Transition continues, and there are very few missionaries with MTW left in Bangkok right now. Dave's role as team leader is changing as the ministry in Thailand continues to blossom, and all of the missionaries - those in Bangkok and those preparing to return - are seeking to understand their place in the mission there. Pray for the Mills family, the Veldhorst family, the Bronsons, Mary, Melanie, and Sarah (an intern who will soon arrive in Thailand).
I now make my way to St. Louis, so that I might be rightly trained for the ministry of the gospel among the nations. Whether that means equipping missionaries or going myself, I don't know. But I go forward with the expectation that God will guide me deeper into His plan for redeeming the entire world.
Showing posts with label bangkok. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bangkok. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Week 12: The Beginning of the End
Firstly, I apologize for this post not coming until Wednesday. Yesterday and the day before I was with the intern team in the beach city of Hua Hin, being refreshed and seeking to collect this experience within myself. It seems that these last two days have proven that the end of this is beginning. Add to that the personal pains and revelations that I've fallen into and we've got one intense week to work through.
Monday morning the team of interns, me, and Tim drove to Hua Hin. This beautiful city served as the setting for two days of joy, peace, fun, and reflection. In some way, I realized emotionally over the course of those two days that this experience is ending. The rest that comes at the end of a long journey - the time in which you finally have opportunity to release your tension and ponder the consequences of what you've just journeyed through - seemed to begin on that trip. I do, however, have two and a half more weeks of service and life here. But, it seems plain that not many more new relationships will legitimately start in these two weeks. If anything, the cookout, the arts festival, and the overnight trip to the mountains will be opportunities to solidify the love for those I've come to know and to sufficiently close out my time with them. I hope to pass on as many of these relationships as possible to the Thai believers and/or the career missionaries. Yet, once again I'm in a position of feeling helpless to accomplish anything of lasting value. There's really so little time, and my emotions are now making their exit from this country.
The beginning of these closing feelings has been compounded by the amount of inner struggle I've found myself in. Interactions with the other interns opened the eyes of my soul to some very significant wounds which have afflicted me and inner lies that I've been believing. It's painful to realize the depths from which my soul needs to be redeemed. But good to be aware of my failures and pains, so that I can see them healed. I'm sorry that this is all so vague; I generally wouldn't write that way! But it seems most appropriate to now.
Then there's these decisions I need to make. Exactly where do I go practically from here? What do I do with the collection of experiences I'm leaving here with? How much time and rest do I really need in order to work through the implications of this experience? I am hoping for wisdom, and trusting in God's complete control regardless of my decision. Yet, confusion and anxiety arise within me too often.
I guess it comes down to this: I trust my God; I know that my life is intimately tied to those who do not have the good news that I believe is only found in Jesus Christ. But I just don't know what enjoying and glorifying God looks like from here - how do I remain faithful to my divinely given desires and gifts, and what needs to happen as the immediate next step? I stood on the fifth floor balcony overlooking the Bay of Thailand on Tuesday night and felt a longing for the land of heaven that I know I'm made for. I longed for that rest and peace, and for my God. But in order to see that glorious sunset and world of clouds and mountains, I had to look over the heads of Thai people, over the tops of a rundown home below me, and over the city of Hua Hin. I know that my foremost purpose now and forevermore is to enjoy and point to the Lord; but part of that purpose is seeking the good and joy of the people and places around me that don't know that joy.
How about a few funny experiences from the past week? While going to the bathroom at the national park I laughed with my friend Hank for about five minutes over a 4-Step instructional card inside the toilet stall on how to use the bathroom - with a girl in a skirt whose eyes were only open for one of the pictures; I came home to two Thai girls alone in our house, folding our plastic grocery bags; I saw one of our friends sitting on our couch singing karaoke to herself into our remote control while watching the TV karaoke (man, they love some karaoke); and I finally saw an elephant - on the road in front of our van on the travel back to Bangkok from Hua Hin.
As has been obvious, the Lord has worked not only in the lives of the Thais around us, but in my very heart. And I continue to believe that He is doing this largely through His people coming in deep concern before Him for that work to happen. Here's how we continue to need prayer:
-My Soul. I continue to work through personal issues and try to decide what steps to take once I return to the states.
-Endurance. I and all the interns need endurance that we can't create on our own to love and serve the Thais and missionaries we're with. It's something I know most of us are finding hard to have.
-Campus Ministry. Friday we have a cookout, which will be our last big campus outreach, and also one of our last opportunties to pass on our relationships to Christians who are here more long-term.
-Those leaving. Melanie, my close missionary friend, who has been here two years, is returning to the states on Sunday. Kiki, one of the intern team leaders, is leaving Thursday (as may be one of the interns Erin). Dave's wife (the team leader), Jan, is going home for a time.
I know only in part what these experiences have meant, but I hope for the Lord to make them all work for good. "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3.13-14...May we continue to strain forward.
Monday morning the team of interns, me, and Tim drove to Hua Hin. This beautiful city served as the setting for two days of joy, peace, fun, and reflection. In some way, I realized emotionally over the course of those two days that this experience is ending. The rest that comes at the end of a long journey - the time in which you finally have opportunity to release your tension and ponder the consequences of what you've just journeyed through - seemed to begin on that trip. I do, however, have two and a half more weeks of service and life here. But, it seems plain that not many more new relationships will legitimately start in these two weeks. If anything, the cookout, the arts festival, and the overnight trip to the mountains will be opportunities to solidify the love for those I've come to know and to sufficiently close out my time with them. I hope to pass on as many of these relationships as possible to the Thai believers and/or the career missionaries. Yet, once again I'm in a position of feeling helpless to accomplish anything of lasting value. There's really so little time, and my emotions are now making their exit from this country.
The beginning of these closing feelings has been compounded by the amount of inner struggle I've found myself in. Interactions with the other interns opened the eyes of my soul to some very significant wounds which have afflicted me and inner lies that I've been believing. It's painful to realize the depths from which my soul needs to be redeemed. But good to be aware of my failures and pains, so that I can see them healed. I'm sorry that this is all so vague; I generally wouldn't write that way! But it seems most appropriate to now.
Then there's these decisions I need to make. Exactly where do I go practically from here? What do I do with the collection of experiences I'm leaving here with? How much time and rest do I really need in order to work through the implications of this experience? I am hoping for wisdom, and trusting in God's complete control regardless of my decision. Yet, confusion and anxiety arise within me too often.
I guess it comes down to this: I trust my God; I know that my life is intimately tied to those who do not have the good news that I believe is only found in Jesus Christ. But I just don't know what enjoying and glorifying God looks like from here - how do I remain faithful to my divinely given desires and gifts, and what needs to happen as the immediate next step? I stood on the fifth floor balcony overlooking the Bay of Thailand on Tuesday night and felt a longing for the land of heaven that I know I'm made for. I longed for that rest and peace, and for my God. But in order to see that glorious sunset and world of clouds and mountains, I had to look over the heads of Thai people, over the tops of a rundown home below me, and over the city of Hua Hin. I know that my foremost purpose now and forevermore is to enjoy and point to the Lord; but part of that purpose is seeking the good and joy of the people and places around me that don't know that joy.
How about a few funny experiences from the past week? While going to the bathroom at the national park I laughed with my friend Hank for about five minutes over a 4-Step instructional card inside the toilet stall on how to use the bathroom - with a girl in a skirt whose eyes were only open for one of the pictures; I came home to two Thai girls alone in our house, folding our plastic grocery bags; I saw one of our friends sitting on our couch singing karaoke to herself into our remote control while watching the TV karaoke (man, they love some karaoke); and I finally saw an elephant - on the road in front of our van on the travel back to Bangkok from Hua Hin.
As has been obvious, the Lord has worked not only in the lives of the Thais around us, but in my very heart. And I continue to believe that He is doing this largely through His people coming in deep concern before Him for that work to happen. Here's how we continue to need prayer:
-My Soul. I continue to work through personal issues and try to decide what steps to take once I return to the states.
-Endurance. I and all the interns need endurance that we can't create on our own to love and serve the Thais and missionaries we're with. It's something I know most of us are finding hard to have.
-Campus Ministry. Friday we have a cookout, which will be our last big campus outreach, and also one of our last opportunties to pass on our relationships to Christians who are here more long-term.
-Those leaving. Melanie, my close missionary friend, who has been here two years, is returning to the states on Sunday. Kiki, one of the intern team leaders, is leaving Thursday (as may be one of the interns Erin). Dave's wife (the team leader), Jan, is going home for a time.
I know only in part what these experiences have meant, but I hope for the Lord to make them all work for good. "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3.13-14...May we continue to strain forward.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Week 10: Prayer Fulfilled
I fully believe that those of you reading this blog, as well as many others, have been honestly and consistently praying for this mission. In the last week (even in the last few days) we've seen a beautiful blossom of relationships and movement in our ministries than cannot be explained naturally. It's hard to even tangibly recount what we've seen and experienced, but I feel that it's obvious that the Spirit is in it.
Up until this Saturday I had held a few conversations with a select number of the guys that I daily play basketball with. On Saturday evening, almost every guy on the court decided that me and my fellow intern Phil were great friends, and guys that had never before addressed me decided to struggle through Thai and English to try to have conversation with me. They were opening up to our jokes, playing around with us, talking about getting together outside of basketball, looking forward to the next day of playing, and just generally acting as our friends. Tomorrow (Wednesday) we've now got a grill-out planned for all of our basketball friends. We hope to further establish those relationships and let all of these unbelievers feel comfortable around Christians (hopefully even begin some relationships with Christians who're going to be here longer term).
And then there's our daily times on campus. The girls on the intern team stumbled across an entirely new part of campus where dozens of groups of people just sit in pavilions all day long. They started some great relationships with people from clubs across the campus. Whereas before this last week they experienced mostly frustration in conversation, short times on campus, shallow relationships, and confusion as to their place here, the interns now have one of our girls going out with some Thai friends tonight for a movie, we had a birthday party last night for a Thai girl who'd never really had one before, four Thais stayed until nearly 1:00 AM (and one guy stayed the night with us), one new friend had the gospel shared with her, and we filled every spot for our upcoming campus retreat (and had to turn some people down because of lack of space!).
But I have to add onto all of these obvious works of God the spirit with which God has blessed us. Monday morning we listed to a sermon entitled "Doing Missions When Dying is Gain" by John Piper (look it up at www.desiringgod.org). Maybe it was just me experiencing this renewal, but I think it was all of us. We have been reminded in the last week that our purpose in being here is not relaxation, not frivolity, not passivity. Even though we may still have few opportunities to actually DO, and are still learning to REST in Christ, my spirit has been brought back to the reality that God has blessed us in Christ so "that Your way may be known on earth, your saving power among ALL NATIONS." (Psalm 67.2) I'm not sure how to convey this, but in some way I feel that I've finally come to a point of no return. I don't think that I can ever return to the states and live a life of comfort, focusing my heart and energies on me and/or my family's security without being willingly in sin. I am irrevocably tied to the life and salvation of these Thai people. Maybe I won't ever end up back in Thailand for ministry - I still think that's completely possible - but I cannot escape the knowledge I now have of the work of God's people among nations without a strong gospel presence.
So then. What crazy has happened in the last week? Well, not a whole lot, but here's a quick list: I at a Ngong (a fuzzy strawberryish looking fruit that breaks open so that you have a jelly substance wrapped around a pit). I went to an open air market - this deserves a little more explanation. This market was an enormous collection of tin roofs covering tiny shops for hundreds of yards - maybe even miles. I got lost a number of times amid the knife, trinket, Thai handicraft, silk, clothing, and art shops. This is not to mention the occasional Thai women yelling who knows what, so that people would buy their goods. Imagine a flea market pumped on steroids, dirtied quite a bit, and spiced (sometimes literally) with Thai culture. I also ate seaweed chips.
So, if you're not convinced that prayer is necessary and effective...stop reading these blogs. Just kidding. But it seems so obvious to me that God is using the regular prayers of His people to faithfully carry forth His Word to the nations - and we're getting to see the beginnings and even some of the fruit of that. Here are some specifics you can pray for in the upcoming week:
-The Campus Retreat. We have 45 Thai people (maybe all of whom are unbelievers) along with 17 staff and/or Americans going to the beach for three days to live life together and hopefully experience the gospel. Wit will be here, as well as a few of my other personal friends.
-A woman named Phi Dha. She is the roommate of one of our youngest, most evangelistic believers at the church. She's so close to faith, searching it all out, but feels incapable of understanding and trusting Jesus with all of herself.
-The unity and effectiveness of the intern team. I've been amazed at how God's turned personality differences and awkward moments into growth and joy on this team. Pray that He continues to change us into Christ's image as well as to use us for His glory.
-The Wednesday Cookout. As well as any future events and all of the relationships I have from basketball - I suddenly have a fresh heart of care for those guys.
Another week finished, and we're now within a month and three days of returning. Unbelievable.
P.S. - No Pictures this week, sorry. Next week for sure though.
Up until this Saturday I had held a few conversations with a select number of the guys that I daily play basketball with. On Saturday evening, almost every guy on the court decided that me and my fellow intern Phil were great friends, and guys that had never before addressed me decided to struggle through Thai and English to try to have conversation with me. They were opening up to our jokes, playing around with us, talking about getting together outside of basketball, looking forward to the next day of playing, and just generally acting as our friends. Tomorrow (Wednesday) we've now got a grill-out planned for all of our basketball friends. We hope to further establish those relationships and let all of these unbelievers feel comfortable around Christians (hopefully even begin some relationships with Christians who're going to be here longer term).
And then there's our daily times on campus. The girls on the intern team stumbled across an entirely new part of campus where dozens of groups of people just sit in pavilions all day long. They started some great relationships with people from clubs across the campus. Whereas before this last week they experienced mostly frustration in conversation, short times on campus, shallow relationships, and confusion as to their place here, the interns now have one of our girls going out with some Thai friends tonight for a movie, we had a birthday party last night for a Thai girl who'd never really had one before, four Thais stayed until nearly 1:00 AM (and one guy stayed the night with us), one new friend had the gospel shared with her, and we filled every spot for our upcoming campus retreat (and had to turn some people down because of lack of space!).
But I have to add onto all of these obvious works of God the spirit with which God has blessed us. Monday morning we listed to a sermon entitled "Doing Missions When Dying is Gain" by John Piper (look it up at www.desiringgod.org). Maybe it was just me experiencing this renewal, but I think it was all of us. We have been reminded in the last week that our purpose in being here is not relaxation, not frivolity, not passivity. Even though we may still have few opportunities to actually DO, and are still learning to REST in Christ, my spirit has been brought back to the reality that God has blessed us in Christ so "that Your way may be known on earth, your saving power among ALL NATIONS." (Psalm 67.2) I'm not sure how to convey this, but in some way I feel that I've finally come to a point of no return. I don't think that I can ever return to the states and live a life of comfort, focusing my heart and energies on me and/or my family's security without being willingly in sin. I am irrevocably tied to the life and salvation of these Thai people. Maybe I won't ever end up back in Thailand for ministry - I still think that's completely possible - but I cannot escape the knowledge I now have of the work of God's people among nations without a strong gospel presence.
So then. What crazy has happened in the last week? Well, not a whole lot, but here's a quick list: I at a Ngong (a fuzzy strawberryish looking fruit that breaks open so that you have a jelly substance wrapped around a pit). I went to an open air market - this deserves a little more explanation. This market was an enormous collection of tin roofs covering tiny shops for hundreds of yards - maybe even miles. I got lost a number of times amid the knife, trinket, Thai handicraft, silk, clothing, and art shops. This is not to mention the occasional Thai women yelling who knows what, so that people would buy their goods. Imagine a flea market pumped on steroids, dirtied quite a bit, and spiced (sometimes literally) with Thai culture. I also ate seaweed chips.
So, if you're not convinced that prayer is necessary and effective...stop reading these blogs. Just kidding. But it seems so obvious to me that God is using the regular prayers of His people to faithfully carry forth His Word to the nations - and we're getting to see the beginnings and even some of the fruit of that. Here are some specifics you can pray for in the upcoming week:
-The Campus Retreat. We have 45 Thai people (maybe all of whom are unbelievers) along with 17 staff and/or Americans going to the beach for three days to live life together and hopefully experience the gospel. Wit will be here, as well as a few of my other personal friends.
-A woman named Phi Dha. She is the roommate of one of our youngest, most evangelistic believers at the church. She's so close to faith, searching it all out, but feels incapable of understanding and trusting Jesus with all of herself.
-The unity and effectiveness of the intern team. I've been amazed at how God's turned personality differences and awkward moments into growth and joy on this team. Pray that He continues to change us into Christ's image as well as to use us for His glory.
-The Wednesday Cookout. As well as any future events and all of the relationships I have from basketball - I suddenly have a fresh heart of care for those guys.
Another week finished, and we're now within a month and three days of returning. Unbelievable.
P.S. - No Pictures this week, sorry. Next week for sure though.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Week 9 Pictures
A One-Time Student of mine and me at English Camp
My friend/student Kim and me at English Camp.
Most of the High School girls short term team, along with some Thai women English students.
The amazing geographical view in which we had our English camp.
The High School girl team and the Thai women again.
One of the challenge course obstacles - rafting your entire team across the river.
Challenge Course obstacle: Climb over the wall twice.
English camp people (and Dave's son Nick).
Me, Jonathon, and some other members of my team at English camp.
Our team crossing the river.
The red team at English camp.
The blue team at English camp.
Challenge course obstacle: every team but one fell off this cable bridge.
The board/rope bridge. This is the bridge I carried the little boy on our team across. What an experience - he choked me pretty much the entire way and squealed every time we swung to a new board.
Challenge Course Obstacle: swing from tire to tire.
The rise from which we zip-lined.
My friend Phi Hua giving peace signs (I think Melanie's giving a thumbs-up in the background).
Obstacle Course Challenge: hold hands while crossing the river on these bamboo rafts. My teammate Jonathan and I left some room between us and the next couple so that we could run as far as possible before falling - we made it a good 6 rafts or so before busting our faces.
Crossing the river in the raft.
Fellow intern, Phil.
Trey, the intern team leader - I guess he's the most mature? Hank's flying into the picture, too.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Week 9
The roller coaster ride which is this missions experience continues to roll onward. Still, after 9 weeks of activity in this place, I find that when I sit down to write this reflection and summary of the week that there have been so many thoughts, interactions, events, and stories that I know I'm going to have to finally just give you a limited picture of what's happening here. Yet, two major events happened this last week that I thoroughly enjoyed, both of which - of course - pushed me into further thought about the calling God is placing upon my life.
The first happened the day that I posted the blog last week. That Tuesday I stayed back from the rest of the group with Hank, one of the other interns. After relaxing for most of the morning, we ran across a really amazing girl named Mary on our bus ride into the city. The summary of this story is that we found out Mary is from France, speaks with a British accent, is an agnostic (but in a unique place of searching in her thoughts on God), and she spent the rest of the day with our team of interns on our day off. A few of us had significant conversations on spirituality, the probability of God's existence and love, psychology, and a slew of other issues. She ended up being tons of fun, and I've heard there's a good chance that she may come and live with us in our Real World Intern house for a week or so.
It was through that day of conversation and interaction with Mary that I got - I think - a small picture of what ministry in postmodern, post-Christian Europe would look like. And I kind of liked it. I can't say that a small experience like that has pushed me to realize that I am fully called to being in a postmodern context ministering to people who believe in no spiritual reality. I do think, however, that that day of interaction with Mary, alongside of the rest of my reflections and experiences here, have pushed me to strongly believe that I would like to experience missions in another context before committing myself to any place or people or ministry in missions. Perhaps my soul and life are better fitted for Europe, or Africa, or Latin America for that matter.
The second event started on Friday and lasted through Sunday. I had the privilege of helping organize and lead the English Retreat this past weekend. We had some 50 or so people from different English classes at our church. And what a great weekend it was (that's where most of my pictures this week are from). We spent three days in a resort which hugged a river-filled valley in the middle of the Thai mountains. Our resort was spectacular, and the people and activities were incredibly fun. Toward the end of that weekend I realized that the entire experience had felt very much like camp. I was in the mountains (my summer last year was spent in the mountains at a camp), there was a team of teenage girls from the states that I often conversed with and sought to minister to, I led games in front of a big group, and we were in a closed community environment with a singularity of purpose. It felt like going home.
Just like the experience with Mary, I don't know what this fully means for my life or calling. But I did realize that there's something in me that understands and loves camp-style ministry. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm really still a kid, or maybe it's the fact that almost a sixth of my life over the last 6 years has been spent in a camp setting. So maybe it means something significant for my life, maybe it just means that the Lord was blessing me with a unique joy this weekend. I'm glad for it either way.
On a quick other note, almost all of the interns - including myself - have been struggling through the worth and direction of their ministry here on campus. We spend some amount of time everyday on campus, and yet we often wonder what our end goals are for being there. It feels often like no long-lasting conversations are even getting off the ground. But, we see that this experience is changing us primarily, and we're learning to humble ourselves before God, ultimately trusting that He will guide it all to its purpose.
And now, of course, a bit of the unique goings-on in the last week. On the ride to English camp I was in a van and somehow we found ourselves watching old concert videos; for nearly an hour and a half we made our way through Faith Hill, Savage Garden, Queen, Elton John, John Denver, Ricky martin, Shania Twain, and hoards of other random artists. Why? Not sure - but it was great. I sat with four other interns late at night, all of us with one earphone from our ipods in, each singing his/her respective song - what a concert of music. I had quiet time nearly 40 feet above a river, looking at mountains all around, I carried an autistic Thai child on my back across a swinging bridge, I got a Thai massage (not foot massage this time), I bought a book for a French girl, and I helped make a Papaya salad birthday cake. Good times, good friends.
Particularly after a conversation with some of the interns last night, I understand how little all of this is about our efforts, and how deeply it is about trusting God in His efforts - which always succeed. As always, this is a plea and exhortation to you to pray for us, and to pray for these unbelieving people. Here's where I see us needing that prayer:
-Me. As I continue to consider my calling, I need the Lord's hand to guide that thought process. Particularly in regards to immediately following this trip, my mind has been heavy with where I am to go.
-The Campus Ministry. We have a coffeehouse this Friday, our intern team is going on a retreat next Tuesday (maybe there won't be a blog post?), and the weekend following this one we have our campus retreat with all of the Thais. The interns also need prayer in their growth and service.
-Mary, our new friend. Particularly if she comes to stay with us, we want good for her, and for God to guide her to Himself in her spiritual journey.
-Along with her, all of our new friends, that we continue to make on campus and elsewhere.
Peace be to the brothers, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible. (Ephesians 6.23-24)
The first happened the day that I posted the blog last week. That Tuesday I stayed back from the rest of the group with Hank, one of the other interns. After relaxing for most of the morning, we ran across a really amazing girl named Mary on our bus ride into the city. The summary of this story is that we found out Mary is from France, speaks with a British accent, is an agnostic (but in a unique place of searching in her thoughts on God), and she spent the rest of the day with our team of interns on our day off. A few of us had significant conversations on spirituality, the probability of God's existence and love, psychology, and a slew of other issues. She ended up being tons of fun, and I've heard there's a good chance that she may come and live with us in our Real World Intern house for a week or so.
It was through that day of conversation and interaction with Mary that I got - I think - a small picture of what ministry in postmodern, post-Christian Europe would look like. And I kind of liked it. I can't say that a small experience like that has pushed me to realize that I am fully called to being in a postmodern context ministering to people who believe in no spiritual reality. I do think, however, that that day of interaction with Mary, alongside of the rest of my reflections and experiences here, have pushed me to strongly believe that I would like to experience missions in another context before committing myself to any place or people or ministry in missions. Perhaps my soul and life are better fitted for Europe, or Africa, or Latin America for that matter.
The second event started on Friday and lasted through Sunday. I had the privilege of helping organize and lead the English Retreat this past weekend. We had some 50 or so people from different English classes at our church. And what a great weekend it was (that's where most of my pictures this week are from). We spent three days in a resort which hugged a river-filled valley in the middle of the Thai mountains. Our resort was spectacular, and the people and activities were incredibly fun. Toward the end of that weekend I realized that the entire experience had felt very much like camp. I was in the mountains (my summer last year was spent in the mountains at a camp), there was a team of teenage girls from the states that I often conversed with and sought to minister to, I led games in front of a big group, and we were in a closed community environment with a singularity of purpose. It felt like going home.
Just like the experience with Mary, I don't know what this fully means for my life or calling. But I did realize that there's something in me that understands and loves camp-style ministry. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm really still a kid, or maybe it's the fact that almost a sixth of my life over the last 6 years has been spent in a camp setting. So maybe it means something significant for my life, maybe it just means that the Lord was blessing me with a unique joy this weekend. I'm glad for it either way.
On a quick other note, almost all of the interns - including myself - have been struggling through the worth and direction of their ministry here on campus. We spend some amount of time everyday on campus, and yet we often wonder what our end goals are for being there. It feels often like no long-lasting conversations are even getting off the ground. But, we see that this experience is changing us primarily, and we're learning to humble ourselves before God, ultimately trusting that He will guide it all to its purpose.
And now, of course, a bit of the unique goings-on in the last week. On the ride to English camp I was in a van and somehow we found ourselves watching old concert videos; for nearly an hour and a half we made our way through Faith Hill, Savage Garden, Queen, Elton John, John Denver, Ricky martin, Shania Twain, and hoards of other random artists. Why? Not sure - but it was great. I sat with four other interns late at night, all of us with one earphone from our ipods in, each singing his/her respective song - what a concert of music. I had quiet time nearly 40 feet above a river, looking at mountains all around, I carried an autistic Thai child on my back across a swinging bridge, I got a Thai massage (not foot massage this time), I bought a book for a French girl, and I helped make a Papaya salad birthday cake. Good times, good friends.
Particularly after a conversation with some of the interns last night, I understand how little all of this is about our efforts, and how deeply it is about trusting God in His efforts - which always succeed. As always, this is a plea and exhortation to you to pray for us, and to pray for these unbelieving people. Here's where I see us needing that prayer:
-Me. As I continue to consider my calling, I need the Lord's hand to guide that thought process. Particularly in regards to immediately following this trip, my mind has been heavy with where I am to go.
-The Campus Ministry. We have a coffeehouse this Friday, our intern team is going on a retreat next Tuesday (maybe there won't be a blog post?), and the weekend following this one we have our campus retreat with all of the Thais. The interns also need prayer in their growth and service.
-Mary, our new friend. Particularly if she comes to stay with us, we want good for her, and for God to guide her to Himself in her spiritual journey.
-Along with her, all of our new friends, that we continue to make on campus and elsewhere.
Peace be to the brothers, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible. (Ephesians 6.23-24)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Week 8: Activity and Calling
I have been amazed at the flurry of activity that has surrounded the presence of these interns. Whereas my struggles while they were still in America centered around loneliness and feelings of being out of place, the struggles that are now present center around neglecting reflection and times of quiet. Yet, it's so beautiful how we are able to band together to serve and go to these Thai people.
On Friday we had our first coffeehouse of the summer. The Lord really blessed us by bringing some 70 or more college students, church members, and community residents to the church. We played games, sang songs, drank coffee, ate snacks, and built relationships in a peace-filled atmosphere. Some of my friends from further away in Bangkok showed up, as well as a whole slew of college students that we hadn't built very strong relationships with yet. Exactly what we have praying for with this college ministry began that night - relationships that we hope will lead to saving faith. That night of fun and conversation really characterizes the spirit of our ministry while the interns are here. It's been incredibly beautiful to see how the community of servants living in this house with me has made for renewed passion, greater accountability, loads more fun, and fresh perspective in this place. I even think that their presence has given me greater confidence to reach out to the Thai people, since I now have men and women to fall back on and refuel me.
Part of me has thought, since I've known these interns were coming, that this time isn't a real picture of ministry life overseas. But, I'm beginning to see that that thought isn't completely true. As I talked with Tim yesterday, he helped me realize that the way in which my time here has been ever-changing is an excellent picture of missions life. There doesn't ever seem to be a set pattern or team or ministry for extended periods of time. There is ever change, and ever the need for flexibility. At times there is deep community, at others there seems to be none. At times there is flourishing fruit, at times there is desert dryness. And missions life even changes with the area of the world in which you serve, and the team on which you're serving. The reality of missions life is that there is rarely anything consistent!
That reality has played into my thoughts on my place in missions. I also had a significant conversation with my fellow missionary Melanie. In reflecting on calling, I shared how I've continued to wonder about my lack of feeling absolutely called to this place and people. I've still not felt a deep heart for this culture and people - at least not any more than other lost cultures and people in the world. Melanie shared that she's seen how people tend to be called in one of two ways: either to a place/people or to a ministry. I have struggled with my lack of calling to any particular place, but it gave me great rest to realize that many people sense a deeper calling to a ministry than to a people. I still don't understand where my heart lies in relation to a particular ministry, but having that understanding has brought great peace as I continue to discern the Lord's calling upon me.
So, again I forgot last week, but here are some of my unique experiences from the past few weeks: I went to a Thai soccer match (during which I sat right in the midst of the drinking rowdies, which led to some other interesting events), I saw perhaps the most skilled soccer ball handler I've ever seen (and he was maybe 9 years old), I had a young Thai boy from the slums stroke my goatee through a Bible lesson, I listened to and watched some jazz musicians with the skytrain passing through windows behind us in a beautiful five-star hotel, and I ate chicken blood. If nothing else, I'll have a whole slew of great stories when I get back.
So, our work continues. And as we hope even more deeply for the salvation and growth of these Thai people, we see even more deeply how we can't create those things. I also see how it has to be the Lord who forms the souls and lives of the interns serving alongside of me. This is to say that we need the prayers of God's people to go with us. Please continue to offer us up to the Lord, knowing that He will hear and respond. And here are the needs I see us having:
-My Reflection and Heart. I have been thinking a lot on my future, particwhere to go anularly in relation to seminary, and I feel very uncertain as to how to handle my life after Thailand. I also continue to reflect on the Lord's calling upon me, especially in relation to missions.
-English Camp. This Saturday and Sunday we have an English camp, which I've been helping plan for and will serve in. It's a huge opportunity for us to build relationships and share the gospel with those who come.
-Campus Ministry. We're talking about moving the date of our campus retreat, and we continue to eat lunch twice a week with students, play sports nightly with them, and simply seek to establish relationships with these Thai people. It's through these relationships that we believe the gospel will penetrate their lives.
I have to apologize for being so inconsistent in posting the "Daily Manna" devotions that I had the opportunity to write, but I plan on being more consistent from here on out. Thank you for your heart for me and for this ministry. Onward we roll...
On Friday we had our first coffeehouse of the summer. The Lord really blessed us by bringing some 70 or more college students, church members, and community residents to the church. We played games, sang songs, drank coffee, ate snacks, and built relationships in a peace-filled atmosphere. Some of my friends from further away in Bangkok showed up, as well as a whole slew of college students that we hadn't built very strong relationships with yet. Exactly what we have praying for with this college ministry began that night - relationships that we hope will lead to saving faith. That night of fun and conversation really characterizes the spirit of our ministry while the interns are here. It's been incredibly beautiful to see how the community of servants living in this house with me has made for renewed passion, greater accountability, loads more fun, and fresh perspective in this place. I even think that their presence has given me greater confidence to reach out to the Thai people, since I now have men and women to fall back on and refuel me.
Part of me has thought, since I've known these interns were coming, that this time isn't a real picture of ministry life overseas. But, I'm beginning to see that that thought isn't completely true. As I talked with Tim yesterday, he helped me realize that the way in which my time here has been ever-changing is an excellent picture of missions life. There doesn't ever seem to be a set pattern or team or ministry for extended periods of time. There is ever change, and ever the need for flexibility. At times there is deep community, at others there seems to be none. At times there is flourishing fruit, at times there is desert dryness. And missions life even changes with the area of the world in which you serve, and the team on which you're serving. The reality of missions life is that there is rarely anything consistent!
That reality has played into my thoughts on my place in missions. I also had a significant conversation with my fellow missionary Melanie. In reflecting on calling, I shared how I've continued to wonder about my lack of feeling absolutely called to this place and people. I've still not felt a deep heart for this culture and people - at least not any more than other lost cultures and people in the world. Melanie shared that she's seen how people tend to be called in one of two ways: either to a place/people or to a ministry. I have struggled with my lack of calling to any particular place, but it gave me great rest to realize that many people sense a deeper calling to a ministry than to a people. I still don't understand where my heart lies in relation to a particular ministry, but having that understanding has brought great peace as I continue to discern the Lord's calling upon me.
So, again I forgot last week, but here are some of my unique experiences from the past few weeks: I went to a Thai soccer match (during which I sat right in the midst of the drinking rowdies, which led to some other interesting events), I saw perhaps the most skilled soccer ball handler I've ever seen (and he was maybe 9 years old), I had a young Thai boy from the slums stroke my goatee through a Bible lesson, I listened to and watched some jazz musicians with the skytrain passing through windows behind us in a beautiful five-star hotel, and I ate chicken blood. If nothing else, I'll have a whole slew of great stories when I get back.
So, our work continues. And as we hope even more deeply for the salvation and growth of these Thai people, we see even more deeply how we can't create those things. I also see how it has to be the Lord who forms the souls and lives of the interns serving alongside of me. This is to say that we need the prayers of God's people to go with us. Please continue to offer us up to the Lord, knowing that He will hear and respond. And here are the needs I see us having:
-My Reflection and Heart. I have been thinking a lot on my future, particwhere to go anularly in relation to seminary, and I feel very uncertain as to how to handle my life after Thailand. I also continue to reflect on the Lord's calling upon me, especially in relation to missions.
-English Camp. This Saturday and Sunday we have an English camp, which I've been helping plan for and will serve in. It's a huge opportunity for us to build relationships and share the gospel with those who come.
-Campus Ministry. We're talking about moving the date of our campus retreat, and we continue to eat lunch twice a week with students, play sports nightly with them, and simply seek to establish relationships with these Thai people. It's through these relationships that we believe the gospel will penetrate their lives.
I have to apologize for being so inconsistent in posting the "Daily Manna" devotions that I had the opportunity to write, but I plan on being more consistent from here on out. Thank you for your heart for me and for this ministry. Onward we roll...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Daily Manna
I think I mentioned earlier that I've been blessed with the awesome opportunity to write the daily devotional used at New City Fellowship here in Bangkok. This devotional, known as the "Daily Manna", is written each month by a staff member and translated into Thai (or written originally in Thai depending on who writes it). The church members use this to disciple young believers, present the gospel to unbelievers, and encourage church members. I was asked to write June's studies, and I want to offer these readings to those of you reading the blog as well. The month of June is a collective study on the Holy Spirit in the Old Testament and at Pentecost. My prayer is that the Lord uses it to establish and build up the faith of His church. Each day I'll post the day's devotion, starting with June 1, which I'll post later today. My prayers continue to be with you all, and I covet your prayers for me and this place as well.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Week 6: Changes
I can feel the entire face of this experience changing. Thursday of last week the two leaders of a team of 10 Americans arrived. Trey and Kiki are wonderful, and they're looking toward coming here as career missionaries after seminary. This coming Saturday the 8 college-aged interns that will complete that team land in Bangkok. They're not yet here, but it is very obvious that my experience will drastically change when they are, and the work of this team will shift as well. The loneliness that has so pervaded my experience will be dealt a heavy blow by the presence of 8 native English-speakers who are also near the same stage of life as me. My excitement has been rising each day that their arrival has gotten closer. And now that it's almost here, I just can't wait to have them to serve alongside!
But this means that some of my thoughts and struggles will be changing as well. I'll have a different view of ministry overseas with them alongside me. I realize that the general experience of serving on the mission field does not involve me living in a house with 10 other Americans whom I can share my heart with and who will share in the daily life of being a minister in another world. I am also going to have to be very aware of the temptation to neglect relationships with Thai people because of desire to solely encourage and enjoy the Americans. On the positive side, their presence means 10 more people prodding me to deeper ministry and refining my faith. Regardless, I am really hoping for the Lord to continue using this time - as He has been - to open my eyes to the gifts and desires He has placed in my life. I still want to see how I fit into His mission to redeem all nations of the world.
On the note of understanding life in ministry overseas, let me share how the Lord provoked my heart just last night. In case you're unaware, movies tend to powerfully affect me. The right movie at the right time can throw me into emotional and/or mental reflection for long periods of time. On Monday night I watched Black Hawk Down with Phi Kieow and Melanie. The intensity of that movie made me much more sensitive to the war that surrounds me. Thailand is not torn by warlords, military occupation, civil battles, or genocide. But there is a war being waged in the souls of these people that is just as intense as that physical war portrayed in Somalia ("For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6.12). This war is real, and for the most part I have not opened my heart to being aware of it.
On the way back to my house, I found myself alone on our street. It felt right to take my shoes off and begin praying for these people. I prayed for those on the street, for the entire city and nation, for the believers in our church, and for my supporters back in America. As I walked barefoot down the street with my basketball shoes in one hand and Pat's sunglasses in the other, I felt the metaphor of that walk. In one hand I carried the comfort, the burdens, the memories of my American life and culture. In the other I carried my Thai Christian brothers and sisters, their needs, my service to them, their burdens, and their joys. All of this I carried while my bare feet tread these streets and I prayed for the lost - connecting me to this place and this people. This is the life of a missionary. This is the life I am living right now.
At the end of the street (after having walked it a couple times), I found myself praying that if the Lord wanted to call me to this for a lifetime, that I wanted to be willing to follow. I prayed (and have continued praying) that He make me willing to follow His calling into missions if that is His desire for me. I don't know if I'll end up overseas at some point for the rest of my life. I don't know how or where God will call in a year or two or ten. And I certainly am way too unsure of my heart and what missions means to confidently move into it right away. But I felt the reality of this life and sensed the Father's presence with me in this place. I have to now trust that He will provide guidance, that He will faithfully lead my life.
So I've realized some past experiences of this journey that I haven't shared with you yet, that I want to now - and there have been some new ones that I'll share too. What exactly has happened in this crazy land of the Thais? Well, I took nearly 5 minutes to pay for a 15 minute bus ride because I couldn't understand how much it cost; I saw four Americans escorted by four Thai prostitutes out of the airport; I heard that the Thai police actually have criminals re-enact crimes once they're arrested so that they can take pictures of them in the act (pretty self-incriminating if you ask me - the funniest part of this is that Tim had passed a man dressed only in his underwear on the streets, with at least one police officer with a camera - I guess they got him on indecent exposure); I ate sticky rice, mango, and ice cream (a heavenly combination); and I swam in a sweaty pool on the open third floor in a housing complex, after which I dipped in a chilly tub, then a hot tub, and then sat in a sauna which I soon felt pretty confident is what Hell would be like.
As you can easily read into this post, I am in need of much from God's hand, particularly in the way of understanding and guidance. And as I continue serving these people, I see the need they have of comfort, rest, freedom from fear, maturity, and so much else that can only come from the Lord. And I fully believe that God brings this largely through the prayers of His people. So, I am blatantly asking for prayer for myself a whole lot this week, as I continue in this struggle of understanding my calling. But here is what I see us needing prayer in:
-Me and my calling. I've explained this pretty far already.
-The team of interns. They'll be in pre-field training all through this week and arriving on Saturday (culture shock, the heat, jet lag will all be factors immediately).
-The campus ministry. With the interns' arrival we will be able to involve ourselves in a lot more relationships and activities. This coming Monday we have "initiation" on campus where those who signed up for University Christian Fellowship (UCF) will join the club - it'll be a great time to start lots of those relationships (with many who are not Christians).
I hope to hear that the Lord is bringing grace and rest to your hearts as well. Thank you for the love I continually receive from you. My heart is still very much with you all.
But this means that some of my thoughts and struggles will be changing as well. I'll have a different view of ministry overseas with them alongside me. I realize that the general experience of serving on the mission field does not involve me living in a house with 10 other Americans whom I can share my heart with and who will share in the daily life of being a minister in another world. I am also going to have to be very aware of the temptation to neglect relationships with Thai people because of desire to solely encourage and enjoy the Americans. On the positive side, their presence means 10 more people prodding me to deeper ministry and refining my faith. Regardless, I am really hoping for the Lord to continue using this time - as He has been - to open my eyes to the gifts and desires He has placed in my life. I still want to see how I fit into His mission to redeem all nations of the world.
On the note of understanding life in ministry overseas, let me share how the Lord provoked my heart just last night. In case you're unaware, movies tend to powerfully affect me. The right movie at the right time can throw me into emotional and/or mental reflection for long periods of time. On Monday night I watched Black Hawk Down with Phi Kieow and Melanie. The intensity of that movie made me much more sensitive to the war that surrounds me. Thailand is not torn by warlords, military occupation, civil battles, or genocide. But there is a war being waged in the souls of these people that is just as intense as that physical war portrayed in Somalia ("For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6.12). This war is real, and for the most part I have not opened my heart to being aware of it.
On the way back to my house, I found myself alone on our street. It felt right to take my shoes off and begin praying for these people. I prayed for those on the street, for the entire city and nation, for the believers in our church, and for my supporters back in America. As I walked barefoot down the street with my basketball shoes in one hand and Pat's sunglasses in the other, I felt the metaphor of that walk. In one hand I carried the comfort, the burdens, the memories of my American life and culture. In the other I carried my Thai Christian brothers and sisters, their needs, my service to them, their burdens, and their joys. All of this I carried while my bare feet tread these streets and I prayed for the lost - connecting me to this place and this people. This is the life of a missionary. This is the life I am living right now.
At the end of the street (after having walked it a couple times), I found myself praying that if the Lord wanted to call me to this for a lifetime, that I wanted to be willing to follow. I prayed (and have continued praying) that He make me willing to follow His calling into missions if that is His desire for me. I don't know if I'll end up overseas at some point for the rest of my life. I don't know how or where God will call in a year or two or ten. And I certainly am way too unsure of my heart and what missions means to confidently move into it right away. But I felt the reality of this life and sensed the Father's presence with me in this place. I have to now trust that He will provide guidance, that He will faithfully lead my life.
So I've realized some past experiences of this journey that I haven't shared with you yet, that I want to now - and there have been some new ones that I'll share too. What exactly has happened in this crazy land of the Thais? Well, I took nearly 5 minutes to pay for a 15 minute bus ride because I couldn't understand how much it cost; I saw four Americans escorted by four Thai prostitutes out of the airport; I heard that the Thai police actually have criminals re-enact crimes once they're arrested so that they can take pictures of them in the act (pretty self-incriminating if you ask me - the funniest part of this is that Tim had passed a man dressed only in his underwear on the streets, with at least one police officer with a camera - I guess they got him on indecent exposure); I ate sticky rice, mango, and ice cream (a heavenly combination); and I swam in a sweaty pool on the open third floor in a housing complex, after which I dipped in a chilly tub, then a hot tub, and then sat in a sauna which I soon felt pretty confident is what Hell would be like.
As you can easily read into this post, I am in need of much from God's hand, particularly in the way of understanding and guidance. And as I continue serving these people, I see the need they have of comfort, rest, freedom from fear, maturity, and so much else that can only come from the Lord. And I fully believe that God brings this largely through the prayers of His people. So, I am blatantly asking for prayer for myself a whole lot this week, as I continue in this struggle of understanding my calling. But here is what I see us needing prayer in:
-Me and my calling. I've explained this pretty far already.
-The team of interns. They'll be in pre-field training all through this week and arriving on Saturday (culture shock, the heat, jet lag will all be factors immediately).
-The campus ministry. With the interns' arrival we will be able to involve ourselves in a lot more relationships and activities. This coming Monday we have "initiation" on campus where those who signed up for University Christian Fellowship (UCF) will join the club - it'll be a great time to start lots of those relationships (with many who are not Christians).
I hope to hear that the Lord is bringing grace and rest to your hearts as well. Thank you for the love I continually receive from you. My heart is still very much with you all.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Week 3: Surprises and Settledness
Every single time I've gotten on my computer to try to express what has happened and where my heart is, I'm at a complete loss as to where to start! I feel like one week in my life here holds the weight and experiences of a month or more in the states. In the last seven days, the Lord has brought very good surprises, the realization of long-term struggles, and some much-welcomed peace and comfort.
Saturday evening I was talking with my missionary friend Tim about the loneliness that I continue to feel here. I think his response is the most telling and accurate way to explain this experience to you. He told me, after having been on the field for four years now, that the loneliness is something that's just always with you. I'm in a place where everything is unfamiliar - people, places, foods, customs, merchandise, government, language, etc. And I constantly feel out-of-place. Some of my closest Thai friends - those Christians who work at the church with me - played cards with me Sunday afternoon. But some of them don't know English, and the others feel more comfortable speaking Thai. So, even though I was enjoying a game of cards with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was still an American looking in from the outside, wondering what exactly was going on.
Yet, there have been some beautiful surprises in the last week, too. Wednesday night I came home to my roommate, Pat, already asleep. He woke up to a phone call about an hour later, as I was going to bed, and despite the fact that we struggle through every conversation with his limited English, we stayed up nearly an hour talking about the deep pain that he feels so often, and I got to pray for him. He needs the prayer of God's people as much if not more than I do. The loneliness, confusion, and feelings of ineffectiveness that I struggle with, he feels too. But, at the end of the conversation, the greatest encouragement was that over it all he knows that before he met Jesus, he had no hope and no joy. Yet, now that he trusts Christ for everything, he knows he has a hope for the future, and he has joy in knowing Christ.
Instead of telling all of the stories from this past week, I think recounting Monday night will give a good picture of where I now find myself. After taking an afternoon nap, I groggily wake up to go play basketball with the guys at the college. When I get there, my new friend Wit calls my name out from the gym, and I go and sit with him between his badminton games. We have a good conversation, I meet a man named Sooy and his son Ki-o, and Wit and I plan to have dinner and maybe see Star Trek on Thursday.
From there I leave the gym and go outside to play basketball. I'm the only farang (a.k.a. - white American) playing most days, which means I'm the only one not speaking Thai as well. My team and I lose all four games we play (despite the fact that I'm the tallest person on the court). At one point - I think - one of my teammates defends my right to play over another guy who just got there (but who knows, maybe they were joking about how they just wanted a tall white guy on the court!). For the most part I don't share conversation with anyone, since I can't get past "how are you" and their names. But just before my last game, I meet a guy named Nat (a.k.a. - "Hon"). He explains that he doesn't know much English, doesn't have time to take classes, but really wants to learn. So, he figures the best way to do that is to share conversation with an American.
We decide to have dinner at the market, and I end up forcing him to let me pay "this one time" (there's my financial support doing one thing it was set aside to do). We struggle through awkward conversation in English as he tries to teach me some Thai as well. We talk about where we live, what he does for work, what he likes to eat, how I know Paul (our mutual friend who just came back to the U.S.), and movies among other things. Since Tuesday is a holiday, he'll be playing basketball twice, and he's not really interested in seeing a movie with me and my friends. We leave with the Thai "wi" and American handshake - a funny picture of two worlds colliding here.
As I walk away - in the wrong direction at first - I am struck with a mix of emotions and thoughts. I realize that I've finally made a Thai friend outside of the church, and hope that God uses whatever time we have together this summer to open his heart to faith. Yet, I also realize just how hard the hearts of these people are to the gospel - their contentedness in their easy-going lives is hard to break into with any alternative. Nat exemplifies a Thai person who is so gentle and welcoming, but who makes it obvious from the get-go that he's not going to readily open up his heart to me. Then, I personally see that even though I have just made a new friend, and am coming off a couple of really fun, comforting days, I am still an American living in a Thai world. I'm still an outsider in so many ways. But, while I'm walking home, I can't forget the reality that I'm doing exactly what God has set out for me to do. With all my inadequacies and inabilities, I'm simply serving here, and God will finish just what He wants to in spite of (or because of) everything I can't do.
So, then, maybe you've just been waiting to hear about the newest cultural experiences that I've had!? Well, I have discovered one thing that is very bad for my health: rotee. This delicious concoction of fried bread dough, scrambled/fried egg, sugar, an optional fruit, and condensed milk has taken hold of my heart (in literal ways probably too)! Since discovering them last week I think I've eaten five. I also went to the ancient city (more on that in the picture post). I tried pumpkin curry, ate McDonald's via delivery boy, saw multiple water buffalo, and watched and tried to play ta-kraw (this crazy game with a bamboo ball that's basically volleyball with your feet - check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXmjOMUdsPY). I've yet to drink soda from a bag, but I want to.
This post has already been extremely long, but I want to give you a clear picture of where we need prayer. As the inadequacies continue to be realized, I see how the growth of God's kingdom so deeply involves the prayers of His people:
-The Thai Christians and Career Missionaries. The Thai Christians, especially are the ones who really have the platform and cultural understanding to share their faith. They also have the long-term work in mind. The career missionaries particularly deal with loneliness and frustrations of ineffectiveness, as well.
-The ministries at New Community Church. In the next couple months we have three camps (and camps are almost always important in building community and sharing the gospel with people who would otherwise not hear). 1) I was introduced to the mercy ministry in Mahad Thai (the local slum) this week. My eyes were opened to the deep needs of those people, and the cycle of poverty they're stuck in. Yet, the mercy ministry is blossoming unlike any of the others, and children are coming into the church in beautiful ways through that ministry. 2) The campus ministry really takes off this week, and tomorrow we have the freshman orientation day where our newly formed University Christian Fellowship club will have a booth. 3) English classes continue to bring people to the church who otherwise wouldn't be there. We have a camp next month that a lot of planning is going into.
-Wit and Nat - my two Thai friends who are unbelievers, and whom I dearly hope the Lord brings to faith in Christ.
-My service. I forgot to tell you last week that I have the opportunity to write the daily devotion (the "Daily Manna") for the church for the month of June. I will post those devotionals daily during June here on the blog, too. Also, I continue to hope that God will use my service in teaching English, hanging out with college people, and doing whatever else for His glory (despite my lack of obvious use).
Already I've written too much. May God make this scripture come to pass for you all as well as for the Thai people: "I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them...I will rejoice in doing them good." -Jeremiah 32.39, 41
Saturday evening I was talking with my missionary friend Tim about the loneliness that I continue to feel here. I think his response is the most telling and accurate way to explain this experience to you. He told me, after having been on the field for four years now, that the loneliness is something that's just always with you. I'm in a place where everything is unfamiliar - people, places, foods, customs, merchandise, government, language, etc. And I constantly feel out-of-place. Some of my closest Thai friends - those Christians who work at the church with me - played cards with me Sunday afternoon. But some of them don't know English, and the others feel more comfortable speaking Thai. So, even though I was enjoying a game of cards with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was still an American looking in from the outside, wondering what exactly was going on.
Yet, there have been some beautiful surprises in the last week, too. Wednesday night I came home to my roommate, Pat, already asleep. He woke up to a phone call about an hour later, as I was going to bed, and despite the fact that we struggle through every conversation with his limited English, we stayed up nearly an hour talking about the deep pain that he feels so often, and I got to pray for him. He needs the prayer of God's people as much if not more than I do. The loneliness, confusion, and feelings of ineffectiveness that I struggle with, he feels too. But, at the end of the conversation, the greatest encouragement was that over it all he knows that before he met Jesus, he had no hope and no joy. Yet, now that he trusts Christ for everything, he knows he has a hope for the future, and he has joy in knowing Christ.
Instead of telling all of the stories from this past week, I think recounting Monday night will give a good picture of where I now find myself. After taking an afternoon nap, I groggily wake up to go play basketball with the guys at the college. When I get there, my new friend Wit calls my name out from the gym, and I go and sit with him between his badminton games. We have a good conversation, I meet a man named Sooy and his son Ki-o, and Wit and I plan to have dinner and maybe see Star Trek on Thursday.
From there I leave the gym and go outside to play basketball. I'm the only farang (a.k.a. - white American) playing most days, which means I'm the only one not speaking Thai as well. My team and I lose all four games we play (despite the fact that I'm the tallest person on the court). At one point - I think - one of my teammates defends my right to play over another guy who just got there (but who knows, maybe they were joking about how they just wanted a tall white guy on the court!). For the most part I don't share conversation with anyone, since I can't get past "how are you" and their names. But just before my last game, I meet a guy named Nat (a.k.a. - "Hon"). He explains that he doesn't know much English, doesn't have time to take classes, but really wants to learn. So, he figures the best way to do that is to share conversation with an American.
We decide to have dinner at the market, and I end up forcing him to let me pay "this one time" (there's my financial support doing one thing it was set aside to do). We struggle through awkward conversation in English as he tries to teach me some Thai as well. We talk about where we live, what he does for work, what he likes to eat, how I know Paul (our mutual friend who just came back to the U.S.), and movies among other things. Since Tuesday is a holiday, he'll be playing basketball twice, and he's not really interested in seeing a movie with me and my friends. We leave with the Thai "wi" and American handshake - a funny picture of two worlds colliding here.
As I walk away - in the wrong direction at first - I am struck with a mix of emotions and thoughts. I realize that I've finally made a Thai friend outside of the church, and hope that God uses whatever time we have together this summer to open his heart to faith. Yet, I also realize just how hard the hearts of these people are to the gospel - their contentedness in their easy-going lives is hard to break into with any alternative. Nat exemplifies a Thai person who is so gentle and welcoming, but who makes it obvious from the get-go that he's not going to readily open up his heart to me. Then, I personally see that even though I have just made a new friend, and am coming off a couple of really fun, comforting days, I am still an American living in a Thai world. I'm still an outsider in so many ways. But, while I'm walking home, I can't forget the reality that I'm doing exactly what God has set out for me to do. With all my inadequacies and inabilities, I'm simply serving here, and God will finish just what He wants to in spite of (or because of) everything I can't do.
So, then, maybe you've just been waiting to hear about the newest cultural experiences that I've had!? Well, I have discovered one thing that is very bad for my health: rotee. This delicious concoction of fried bread dough, scrambled/fried egg, sugar, an optional fruit, and condensed milk has taken hold of my heart (in literal ways probably too)! Since discovering them last week I think I've eaten five. I also went to the ancient city (more on that in the picture post). I tried pumpkin curry, ate McDonald's via delivery boy, saw multiple water buffalo, and watched and tried to play ta-kraw (this crazy game with a bamboo ball that's basically volleyball with your feet - check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXmjOMUdsPY). I've yet to drink soda from a bag, but I want to.
This post has already been extremely long, but I want to give you a clear picture of where we need prayer. As the inadequacies continue to be realized, I see how the growth of God's kingdom so deeply involves the prayers of His people:
-The Thai Christians and Career Missionaries. The Thai Christians, especially are the ones who really have the platform and cultural understanding to share their faith. They also have the long-term work in mind. The career missionaries particularly deal with loneliness and frustrations of ineffectiveness, as well.
-The ministries at New Community Church. In the next couple months we have three camps (and camps are almost always important in building community and sharing the gospel with people who would otherwise not hear). 1) I was introduced to the mercy ministry in Mahad Thai (the local slum) this week. My eyes were opened to the deep needs of those people, and the cycle of poverty they're stuck in. Yet, the mercy ministry is blossoming unlike any of the others, and children are coming into the church in beautiful ways through that ministry. 2) The campus ministry really takes off this week, and tomorrow we have the freshman orientation day where our newly formed University Christian Fellowship club will have a booth. 3) English classes continue to bring people to the church who otherwise wouldn't be there. We have a camp next month that a lot of planning is going into.
-Wit and Nat - my two Thai friends who are unbelievers, and whom I dearly hope the Lord brings to faith in Christ.
-My service. I forgot to tell you last week that I have the opportunity to write the daily devotion (the "Daily Manna") for the church for the month of June. I will post those devotionals daily during June here on the blog, too. Also, I continue to hope that God will use my service in teaching English, hanging out with college people, and doing whatever else for His glory (despite my lack of obvious use).
Already I've written too much. May God make this scripture come to pass for you all as well as for the Thai people: "I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them...I will rejoice in doing them good." -Jeremiah 32.39, 41
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Anxiety and Hope
It's been nearly four weeks since I last posted to update on my preparations for this journey. Sorry for the long time; in order to keep some regularity to these, I'm going to try to post every Sunday at some point, even if it's just a few words. But, a lot has happened since that last post in my heart; and now we're only three days from leaving the states for three months. The unrealness of the entire situation has formed itself into constant butterflies that have graced my stomach for the last three days. I just hope I can still eat...
The situation in Thailand: Right now, in Bangkok, protesters have been flooding the streets to stand against the government that was just revamped at the end of last year. Political turmoil is really not an uncommon sight there, and foreigners are almost never targetted. Yet, this people needs peace - the peace of a Savior - and their lack thereof can be seen even in their fluctuating government.
I've also found out that I will probably have some opportunities to serve the church and team through manual labor fairly regularly. While manual labor doesn't usually sound very fun, I really see this as a chance to do something familiar that won't involve the daily culture shock that I'll experience most other places. Plus, I get to be humbled by unseen service for the sake of the kingdom!
The biggest need I have right now is emotional and spiritual. My reason continually reminds me that God is sovereign, and will guide this experience and my life exactly as He intends, and that He is a good God, so His plan will be for good for me. But, ("but's" always seem to get me into trouble) I am still full of anxiety over this entire experience - living in a foreign place, not knowing the language, and being unsure of my place as I serve with this church. Even heavier on me though are the personal issues that I know I need to work through over the course of this summer. Sin in my heart, uncertainty in my desires, and the looming knowledge that I have no idea where I'm going once I get back from Thailand! My hope must be in Christ to guide and calm me. Please, ask the Lord to keep me from worrying about tomorrow, since today has enough worries of its own.
I'm already feeling how much your prayers will need to carry me! Here's hoping that I like rice and hot weather a lot more than I expect to...
The situation in Thailand: Right now, in Bangkok, protesters have been flooding the streets to stand against the government that was just revamped at the end of last year. Political turmoil is really not an uncommon sight there, and foreigners are almost never targetted. Yet, this people needs peace - the peace of a Savior - and their lack thereof can be seen even in their fluctuating government.
I've also found out that I will probably have some opportunities to serve the church and team through manual labor fairly regularly. While manual labor doesn't usually sound very fun, I really see this as a chance to do something familiar that won't involve the daily culture shock that I'll experience most other places. Plus, I get to be humbled by unseen service for the sake of the kingdom!
The biggest need I have right now is emotional and spiritual. My reason continually reminds me that God is sovereign, and will guide this experience and my life exactly as He intends, and that He is a good God, so His plan will be for good for me. But, ("but's" always seem to get me into trouble) I am still full of anxiety over this entire experience - living in a foreign place, not knowing the language, and being unsure of my place as I serve with this church. Even heavier on me though are the personal issues that I know I need to work through over the course of this summer. Sin in my heart, uncertainty in my desires, and the looming knowledge that I have no idea where I'm going once I get back from Thailand! My hope must be in Christ to guide and calm me. Please, ask the Lord to keep me from worrying about tomorrow, since today has enough worries of its own.
I'm already feeling how much your prayers will need to carry me! Here's hoping that I like rice and hot weather a lot more than I expect to...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Readiness
I am now less than a month away from flying out of the Atlanta airport to spend three months pouring my life out for the sake of God's kingdom amongst the Thai people. My heart is definitely not fully in Thailand yet (my relationship with Mary, as well as my opportunities to tutor and spend time with my family and some very close friends have taken my attention quite a bit recently). I am, however, realizing much more poignantly how real this opportunity is.
I can also rarely remember knowing such a divergence of thought before a big event in my life. The excitement I've felt has led me to realizing just how huge these next three months could be. I am going to a people who are mostly unaware that a real savior exists in the person of Jesus Christ! In a completely new environment, I get the chance to focus on little other than living and speaking the gospel - what a thing to spend three months doing! What's more, this calling that's been growing within me over the last 5+ years into foreign mission work finally has the opportunity to be tested.
Yet, directly alongside of those thoughts are the anxieties about this time. I am overwhelmed at times by my ineptitude as I go. If I'm honest with myself, I know that I will hardly be able to converse in Thai for the majority of these three months. I have no personal interaction with the Buddhism that is the basis for these people's lives. And I don't really think I do a good job of intentionally purusuing relationships with people - which is how the Thais most readily come to faith!
And yet...and yet God continues to pave the way in even very practical ways for me to be completely consumed with the ministry of the gospel while I'm in Bangkok. Just last week I met a couple who will be on the team in Bangkok with me for a month of this summer; I didn't even know these two had ever been part of the team, and yet happened to meet them through a common friend in St. Louis!
In so many ways, I am not ready to go. And yet I am ready to pour myself out and pursue the life of the kingdom in this unique calling God has given me.
I can also rarely remember knowing such a divergence of thought before a big event in my life. The excitement I've felt has led me to realizing just how huge these next three months could be. I am going to a people who are mostly unaware that a real savior exists in the person of Jesus Christ! In a completely new environment, I get the chance to focus on little other than living and speaking the gospel - what a thing to spend three months doing! What's more, this calling that's been growing within me over the last 5+ years into foreign mission work finally has the opportunity to be tested.
Yet, directly alongside of those thoughts are the anxieties about this time. I am overwhelmed at times by my ineptitude as I go. If I'm honest with myself, I know that I will hardly be able to converse in Thai for the majority of these three months. I have no personal interaction with the Buddhism that is the basis for these people's lives. And I don't really think I do a good job of intentionally purusuing relationships with people - which is how the Thais most readily come to faith!
And yet...and yet God continues to pave the way in even very practical ways for me to be completely consumed with the ministry of the gospel while I'm in Bangkok. Just last week I met a couple who will be on the team in Bangkok with me for a month of this summer; I didn't even know these two had ever been part of the team, and yet happened to meet them through a common friend in St. Louis!
In so many ways, I am not ready to go. And yet I am ready to pour myself out and pursue the life of the kingdom in this unique calling God has given me.
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