Uncertainty and Trust

The last two weeks have been very heavy weeks for me. Relational and spiritual issues in my life have led me into long periods of thought and prayer, as well as a general atmosphere of heaviness. Times like this are not always bad; in fact I am generally led to learn and focus much more intensely during times like this than otherwise. Nonetheless, it has been heavy.



In the course of less than two weeks I have come to the point where I am once again uncertain as to where my life will go once I return from Thailand. Last summer I was called two weeks before Ridge Haven camp started and brought onto the staff. I went knowing that once I returned I had no idea what I would do for work, housing, or even a general purpose. I was thrown into the arms of Christ as the Provider, needing to trust His goodness; and even more so since I had no plan. It looks like I'm in that position again. Perhaps within the next few days God will provide clarity, maybe within the next month; but I have no guarantee that I will know the direction of my steps following Thailand.



On top of this temptation to fear the uncertainty of the future is the growing temptation to fear the actual time of living in Thailand. In the book I've begun reading, The Art of Crossing Cultures, I see just how different this place could be. Quotes from the first chapter:

"If you're not used to it, the heat and humidity of the tropics can be debilitating, even demoralizing."

"Wherever you live overseas, the list of things 'they don't have here' sometimes seems to have been designed with you personally in mind."
"The loss of routines hits you at your core. You expect to have to learn how to do new things overseas...but you may be surprised to discover that you have to learn to do things you normally do without thinking."

"There's nothing bad about (interacting...with people you don't know very well)...but it takes much more energy and effort than interacting with people you already know and who know you."

And the issues continue...but this is before the book even discusses interactions with the local people and their differences in culture.



Yet, the beautiful part of this time is that I believe it throws me again into the arms of Christ - the one safe place that I try to leave time and time again. I in no way need to know what will happen to me after I spend time in Thailand, nor what will happen while I'm there - not even what will come about tomorrow. What's even more true is that I can't know what will happen! I can learn the culture, but I cannot create any rightness or peace during this ministry. God is truly putting me into a place where I have to actually believe what I wrote about prayer in the last post: that it is where we come to God in complete recognition of our need. This time of heaviness and deep uncertainty has led to God lovingly forcing me to see my need for Christ.



Uncertainty may abound right now, but God is also making faith and peace to abound as well.