Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Week 6: Changes

I can feel the entire face of this experience changing. Thursday of last week the two leaders of a team of 10 Americans arrived. Trey and Kiki are wonderful, and they're looking toward coming here as career missionaries after seminary. This coming Saturday the 8 college-aged interns that will complete that team land in Bangkok. They're not yet here, but it is very obvious that my experience will drastically change when they are, and the work of this team will shift as well. The loneliness that has so pervaded my experience will be dealt a heavy blow by the presence of 8 native English-speakers who are also near the same stage of life as me. My excitement has been rising each day that their arrival has gotten closer. And now that it's almost here, I just can't wait to have them to serve alongside!

But this means that some of my thoughts and struggles will be changing as well. I'll have a different view of ministry overseas with them alongside me. I realize that the general experience of serving on the mission field does not involve me living in a house with 10 other Americans whom I can share my heart with and who will share in the daily life of being a minister in another world. I am also going to have to be very aware of the temptation to neglect relationships with Thai people because of desire to solely encourage and enjoy the Americans. On the positive side, their presence means 10 more people prodding me to deeper ministry and refining my faith. Regardless, I am really hoping for the Lord to continue using this time - as He has been - to open my eyes to the gifts and desires He has placed in my life. I still want to see how I fit into His mission to redeem all nations of the world.

On the note of understanding life in ministry overseas, let me share how the Lord provoked my heart just last night. In case you're unaware, movies tend to powerfully affect me. The right movie at the right time can throw me into emotional and/or mental reflection for long periods of time. On Monday night I watched Black Hawk Down with Phi Kieow and Melanie. The intensity of that movie made me much more sensitive to the war that surrounds me. Thailand is not torn by warlords, military occupation, civil battles, or genocide. But there is a war being waged in the souls of these people that is just as intense as that physical war portrayed in Somalia ("For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6.12). This war is real, and for the most part I have not opened my heart to being aware of it.

On the way back to my house, I found myself alone on our street. It felt right to take my shoes off and begin praying for these people. I prayed for those on the street, for the entire city and nation, for the believers in our church, and for my supporters back in America. As I walked barefoot down the street with my basketball shoes in one hand and Pat's sunglasses in the other, I felt the metaphor of that walk. In one hand I carried the comfort, the burdens, the memories of my American life and culture. In the other I carried my Thai Christian brothers and sisters, their needs, my service to them, their burdens, and their joys. All of this I carried while my bare feet tread these streets and I prayed for the lost - connecting me to this place and this people. This is the life of a missionary. This is the life I am living right now.

At the end of the street (after having walked it a couple times), I found myself praying that if the Lord wanted to call me to this for a lifetime, that I wanted to be willing to follow. I prayed (and have continued praying) that He make me willing to follow His calling into missions if that is His desire for me. I don't know if I'll end up overseas at some point for the rest of my life. I don't know how or where God will call in a year or two or ten. And I certainly am way too unsure of my heart and what missions means to confidently move into it right away. But I felt the reality of this life and sensed the Father's presence with me in this place. I have to now trust that He will provide guidance, that He will faithfully lead my life.

So I've realized some past experiences of this journey that I haven't shared with you yet, that I want to now - and there have been some new ones that I'll share too. What exactly has happened in this crazy land of the Thais? Well, I took nearly 5 minutes to pay for a 15 minute bus ride because I couldn't understand how much it cost; I saw four Americans escorted by four Thai prostitutes out of the airport; I heard that the Thai police actually have criminals re-enact crimes once they're arrested so that they can take pictures of them in the act (pretty self-incriminating if you ask me - the funniest part of this is that Tim had passed a man dressed only in his underwear on the streets, with at least one police officer with a camera - I guess they got him on indecent exposure); I ate sticky rice, mango, and ice cream (a heavenly combination); and I swam in a sweaty pool on the open third floor in a housing complex, after which I dipped in a chilly tub, then a hot tub, and then sat in a sauna which I soon felt pretty confident is what Hell would be like.

As you can easily read into this post, I am in need of much from God's hand, particularly in the way of understanding and guidance. And as I continue serving these people, I see the need they have of comfort, rest, freedom from fear, maturity, and so much else that can only come from the Lord. And I fully believe that God brings this largely through the prayers of His people. So, I am blatantly asking for prayer for myself a whole lot this week, as I continue in this struggle of understanding my calling. But here is what I see us needing prayer in:
-Me and my calling. I've explained this pretty far already.
-The team of interns. They'll be in pre-field training all through this week and arriving on Saturday (culture shock, the heat, jet lag will all be factors immediately).
-The campus ministry. With the interns' arrival we will be able to involve ourselves in a lot more relationships and activities. This coming Monday we have "initiation" on campus where those who signed up for University Christian Fellowship (UCF) will join the club - it'll be a great time to start lots of those relationships (with many who are not Christians).

I hope to hear that the Lord is bringing grace and rest to your hearts as well. Thank you for the love I continually receive from you. My heart is still very much with you all.

1 comment:

  1. Praying right now that lots of people will come and be initiated into UCF rather than seek fulfillment and fellowship elsewhere. And, as always, praying for you.
    The next time I post, I will be in Mexico and sharing some of your experiences of being in a foreign field!

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